


My Humorous Romance

by ValentineRevenge



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-13
Updated: 2013-03-12
Packaged: 2017-12-05 03:56:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/718616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValentineRevenge/pseuds/ValentineRevenge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Series of unconnected one-shots that can't help but put the My Chem boys into some of the most awkward situations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

  
The tour bus was still asleep. Everyone was knocked out from a concert that they’d performed the night before, which lasted past 2 in the morning. By the time they’d finished signing autographs, and meeting and greeting the fans, it was nearly 6. So at 10 it was easy to assume that everyone was still out. Except for one Bob Bryar. This particular Bryar was up and about with minimal sleep because he had never believed in being namby pamby about things. He had just gotten into the bathroom, and closed the door. He had intended to use the toilet, take a shower, shave, brush his teeth and hair, and get on with his day. In that order, might I add.   
  
Just as he was lowering his pants, something caught his sharp eye. A single brown strand of hair laying on the toilet seat. WTF it was doing there I don’t know. And quite frankly, I _don’t_ want to know. “Dammit!” Bob shouted, turning and unlocking the door. He opened it and stepped out. But apparently he forgot that his pants were around his ankles.  
  
He went sprawling on the floor, knocking his head upon the floor. He was halfway out of the bathroom, with about everything below his waist inside the bathroom. The first thing out of his mouth was a very loud “HOLY FUCK!”   
  
The only reply he got to this was a rather loud snore out of the bunkroom. Bob cursed, and attempted to stand up. He nearly lost his balance again. Grumbling, he stooped to pull up his pants, and knocked his forehead on the sink. He cursed, rubbed his head, and resumed the pulling up of pants. He got it, then they fell back down. He cursed once again, and pulled them up again. They fell again. He pulled them up again this time, only to give himself a wedgie. He cursed, jumping up, and hitting himself on the ceiling of the bus. He removed the offending wedgie, and turned to move out the bathroom.   
  
Instead, he moved right into the edge of the bathroom counter. A shot straight to his nether regions. He doubled over, putting his hands over the pained area. He managed to smack his forehead on the faucet this time. One hand moved up to his forehead. He shouted out an oath I’d rather not say on here. It may cause some eardrums to shrivel up and die. Drummers sure have filthy mouths when they want to. Now, Bob was in the bathroom, doubled over, one hand holding his forehead which was starting to show evidence of two bruised lumps forming, one on top of the other, the other hand over his ‘area’. He straightened up. Just then, his pants fell off again. This time, they took his boxers down with them.   
  
“Damn these fucking pants, they never did this shit before! And fuck these boxers into the deepest circles of hell! Dropping off, leaving me naked. No one wants to see my naked ass first thing in the morning! Unless this was some plot from a little stupid-assed 12 year old fan-girl whose only thought is ‘Gerard Way is sexy’! On that thought, the same people responsible for making the elastic on my sleeping pants and undies go bad are probably the same people who went feeling up Gee last night!” Bob said, this being a very long sentence from what we normally heard from the beloved drummer.   
  
Standing naked in the bathroom and in pain, Bob decided to hell with the clothes. After all, it was all guys in the bus. There was nothing that they hadn’t seen before. He hopped down the bus towards the bunk room. The air was chilly against him, considering he was in his birthday suit as it was. When he looked in there, only the Way brothers and a shrimpy Iero was asleep in there.   
  
Bob turned, and walked out to where the couch was. Ray was sprawled across the couch, snoring slightly. Bob grabbed a bottle of water and dumped it on to sleeping Torosaurus. Said Torosaurus jumped up, shouting, and fell off the edge of the sofa. “What the fuck Bob?” He asked, groggy, and fuzzy eyed as he had taken out his contacts before he went to sleep.   
  
“You left a hair on the toilet seat.” Bob said matter-of-factly. Ray looked pissed off, before replying, “How did you come to the conclusion that it was mine?” Bob looked at him like he was a moron, before he said, “It was brown.” Ray blinked, and pulled himself up onto the sofa. “How come you didn’t think that it was Mikey’s? After all, there are two people on this bus with brow hair. More if you count whenever Frankie’s hair gets lightened by the sun. Or the bus driver had to use out bathroom.”   
  
Bob sighed, and said, with a comical roll of his eyes, “You’re the only fucker around here who has a fucking afro! Am I going to have to buy our toilet a shaving razor?” Ray let out a laugh and said, “That might help it if it’s growing hair.” Bob sighed once again, and said, “Come on, get up! Go clean it up. “  
  
Ray was the one who rolled his eyes this time, and got up off the couch slowly. He walked towards the bathroom, fuming that he’d been woken up to go clean a single hair from the toilet. Bob trailed behind him, a pissed off look in his eyes. Ray walked into the bathroom. Bob followed him inside. “Go ahead. We’re all waiting.” he said.   
  
The Torosaurus grumbled something under his breath. “Well, if I’m going to cook and clean for this band like I’m all your mother, I might as well bitch at you to clean up after your asses yourself” This coming from a nude Bob Bryar who was wearing pink socks (WTF?)  
  
Ray plucked the hair from the toilet, and dropped it into the garbage can. “Happy now queen bitch?” He asked. “Very.” Bob said, moving aside to let the Toro out of the bathroom. Just then, he slipped, and fell to his knees in front of him.   
  
He stayed there a moment, slightly dizzy for some reason. Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Just then, Gerard, who had rolled out of bed from the amount of noise that he heard, walked past the door. The look of shock on his face was priceless. The sight of seeing one of his bandmates only in a pair of pink socks, the other in his boxers. They looked like they might be in a compromising situation. “Why didn’t you guys tell us you were together?” Gerard asked. Ray and Bob looked at him shocked. “Huh?” Ray asked. “Well come on, you look like you’re about to do something for Bob.” Gerard said, before he added, “Come on, there’s no reason you’d do that unless you were together or he was threatening you.”   
  
Ray and Bob gaped open-mouthedly. Just then, Frankie walked out of the bunkroom, and asked, “Hey Gee, were Bob and Ray _really_ screwing? There was so much noise earlier.” Ray looked like his eyes were bugging out. Just then, Mikey walked out of the bunkroom, hair askew, and still rubbing sleep out of his eyes. He had his glasses in his hand. “Bob and Ray were screwing?” he asked. Bob fainted. The perfectly shitty way for him to complete a shitty morning. To seriously put the icning on the cake, he fell on Ray. Poor Torosaurus. Ray let out a strange, strangled squeaking noise, before he too fainted. “What did I do wrong?” Mikey asked. Gerard rumpled his hair and said, “Nothing lil’ bro.”   
  
“But they did look like they were going to do something when they were like that.” Frankie said. His two unfainted band members looked at him with incredulousness. “Admit it was funny though!” he added quickly in his defense. The Way brothers shared a look, then busted out laughing. Frankie joined in after a minute. Gerard then closed the bathroom door, and all three of them walked away like nothing happened.


	2. Chapter 2

One early summer morning, the Way house-hold lay in a sleepy trance. Gerard had just graduated from second grade, and Mikey from kindergarten. That would make Gerard recently turned 8, and Mikey soon to turn 6. Mr. Way had already left for work. Mrs. Way, who worked from home, was still at home, curled up warmly in a cocoon of blankets. It was barely 8 A.M.   
  
Upstairs, Mikey had just rolled out of bed. His hair was still mussed up from the pillows, and he was just putting his glasses on. Blinking a few times when they were in place, he slid off the bed, and walked out the door, and into the bathroom.   
  
After a few moments there, he walked back out, and into his brothers room. Gerard was laying on his bed, reading a comic book. “Morning Gee!” He crowed. Gerard looked up, and said, “Mornin’ Mikes. Sleep okay?”   
  
Mikey nodded, and hopped up on the bed. Gerard looked at him and said, “Mikey, I think today, we should do something different.” Mikey bounced up and down on the bed, and said, “What Gee? What’re we gonna do today?”  
  
“Today Mikes”, Gerard said, feeling full of himself, “We are going to learn-” Mikey pouted and said, “Learnings dumb.” Gerard glared, and said, “You didn’t let me finish. Today, we are going to learn to curse! When we go down for breakfast, I’ll say hell, and you’ll say ass. Okay?” Mikey nodded excitedly. Then, from the kitchen, Donna Way shouted, “Mikey, Gerard, breakfast!”   
  
Mikey hopped off the bed, and Gerard slid off shortly after. Mikey ran to the top of the stairs, and started climbing down, with Gerard following slightly behind him. When they got to the door to the kitchen, before Mikey opened it, Gerard gave him a wink.   
  
They walked in like they had never conspired anything. Donna smiled at them and said, “Good Morning Mikey, Gerard.” Mikey gave her a sloppy kiss, and Gerard hugged her. “So what will you be having this morning Gerard?” she asked. Gerard shrugged and said, “Aw hell Mom, I think I’ll have some cheerios.”   
  
Donna did not take kindly to this, and still holding a dish rag, she chased him upstairs, occasionally flicking him with the towel angrily. When he got to his room, she said, “Stay in there till lunch time, and think about what you did. I want an apology when you come down for lunch.”   
  
She was fuming. Gathering her composure as much as she could, she walked back downstairs, and into the kitchen. “Well, we surely didn’t need to hear that kind of language from your brother. He’s supposed to set the example for you around here. Don’t you dare go picking up that kind of language at this age, especially in my house. Now, what would you like for breakfast?” Mikey was crying, and he blubbered out, “I don’t know, b-but you can bet your ass it won’t be cheerios!”


	3. Chapter 3

My Chemical Romance had just arrived at the latest venue they were playing for Warped Tour 2009. Ray Toro walked into the backstage area, seeing his fellow band-mates, as well as several other bands. Some he recognized, knew well, some he knew by sight only, maybe names, and some were entirely new to him.   
  
Looking around, he took stock of what was going on. Mikey was talking to his fiancee Alicia on the phone. Ray shook his head, and muttered, "What a cute couple. Pretty soon there's gonna be a bunch of mini Mikey's and Alicia's running around here." Mikey caught on to this, and shouted, "I heard that motherfucker!"   
  
On the other end of the phone, Alicia could be heard saying, "What did you just tell me?!?" in a rather furious tone. Mikey blushed and said, "Nothing hon, I was saying that to Toro. He's saying soon there's going to be a bunch of mini Mikey's and Alicia's running around."   
  
Alicia laughed and said, "Tell him that he'll be an uncle. Which mean's we'll have him baby-sit the kids. When they're hyper." Mikey shouted over to Ray once again, "When that happen's, you'll be the uncle, and baby-sit the kids when they're hyper."   
  
Ray flipped him off, and walked away. Gerard was sitting in front of the large mirror with the light-bulbs, squabbling for space with Davey Havok, Ryan Ross and Dahvie Vanity. Those guys just couldn't do their make-up before getting backstage, could they? No, they couldn't. There were many uses of elbows, 'fuck's, 'bitch's, 'whore's, 'ass's, and the like. Add potty-mouthed to the list, and they were a lovely little bunch of people.   
  
Bob was over in a corner with Adam Carson, Ringo Starr and Spencer Smith, discussing drumming techniques, and the like. That was nothing new. Those guys could get passionate about their drumming and what-not. Ray was the same way when it came down to it. He could talk up a storm about guitars, picks, and everything else that went along with it.   
  
Ray was nearly flattened by a running, screaming Frank Iero. The momentum of the skinny little tattoo covered creature was enough to knock him and Ray over. Ray fell over with a loud "Oof." Frank was babbling incoherent things. "What the fuck Frank?" Ray asked, quite a task since Frank was sitting on his chest. "He's after me! He's gonna kill me!" Frank shouted, grabbing Ray's shoulders, pulling him up into a half sitting position before proceeding to shake him violently.   
  
Ray's 'fro wobbled curiously, before he whacked Frank's hand's away. "Who the hell is going to kill you? Even though everyone may want to at some point in time..." Frank looked shocked, before whispering in Ray's ear (or general direction of) "Slash." Before he got up and ran away.   
  
Ray sat there with a confused look on his face, pulling himself up off the floor in time to see and hear a very much pissed off Slash come practically crashing into the backstage room. "Where the fuck is that little asshole?" he growled. Everyone looked shocked. It was practically like those scene's from the old western movies.  
  
Ray took the initiative, and said, "Ok, what did the little asshole do this time?" With a sigh, Slash moved closer. Ray took a step back, and crashed into the wall. "Little fucker decided it was funny to scribble messages all over that I'm gay. With Axl. Then, he took it to the internet. And put gay shit in my bunk."   
  
Dahvie stood up and asked, "Hey, what's wrong with gays? Or bi-sexual people for that matter?" putting his hand on his hip. Right then, he looked more like a girl than anything else. "Cause I'm fucking married and have children you dumb shit!" Slash said, rounding back to Ray, who looked at him and asked, "Ok, anything else?"   
  
Slash held out his hand. In it were several chess pieces, a tiny bouncy ball, a used tissue, and several pens. "Lemme guess. He put those in your hair?" Ray asked. Slash nodded. "I feel your pain on the 'fro attack. You take the inside of the venue, and I take the outside?" Slash nodded, and walked off. "Ray! While you're out there, mind finding where the hell Lennon got too?" Paulie asked, shouting over from his spot on the couch. Ray nodded, and walked out the side door to the venue.   
  
Outside, Frank was smoking a cigarette. It would probably adversely affect his health in the future. Jeffree Star was sitting on a crate, going on about something, having a slight discussion with Frankie. John Lennon walked over to the smoking frank, and asked, "Oi mate, happen to have a fag on you?"   
  
"Huh bitch? What the fuck did you just call me bitch?" Jeffree asked, standing up. "I wasn't speaking to you. I was speaking to Frank. I asked if he had a fag on him." John said, looking at Jeffree curiously. "Well that's no excuse to call me a fag!" Jeffree said, advancing another step.  
  
"I never said you were." Lennon said, and pointed to the cigarette in Frank's mouth before saying, "That thing he has in his mouth is a fag. You are a homosexual."   
  
"Ah, British term?" Jeffree asked. Lennon nodded. Frank pulled out the crumpled pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, and handed it to Lennon, who took one out and lit it, before returning the pack. Frankie put the pack back in his pocket. "Thanks." Lennon said, taking a puff. "No problem. Nicked 'em off Gee anyways." Frankie said, stubbing out the remnants of his cigarette.   
  
Ray stepped forward, and bodily picked up Frankie. Frankie squeaked, squirmed, flailed, and screamed, all at once it seemed. Ray carried him back inside, saying, "This is revenge for attacking the U.S. portion of the National Afro Committee."


	4. Chapter 4

**Alrighty, I own everything in this following story, except for the absolutely lovely Ray Toro(saurus rex), whom I have turned into a female creature for the purposes of this story through magical means.And just another disclaimer, I don't wish any homosexual persons to take offense at anything within. Sometimes, sexuality can be a bit of an embarrassing yet funny (to others) topic. Enjoy. Rate, review, send your love. One last thing, Don't hurt me for it. If by some chance any of the real members of My Chem. read this stuff, please don't take offense from anything within, or feel offended because I chose to turn you into females at some point or another. Feel free to humor me with a re-enactment of anything you find within.**  
  
(The female) Ray Toro and her mother were sitting on the couch one late Tuesday afternoon, watching Criminal Minds, a favorite of both mother and daughter. They were talking on the commercial breaks, another very common thing they did. On the newest break, Ray's mother asked her, "So, Ray, any boyfriends I should know about?" Ray put her head to the side and asked, "Boys?" Her mother was the one who seemed exasperated this time, before saying, "Yes. Boys. Unless you're interested in girls?"   
  
Ray nearly choked on her drink. "Mom. I know I told you I think I may be bi-curious. But I'm not really interested in any of the girls I've met. Well, not more than friends. Same with the boys. None of them seem to be my kind."  
  
"Your kind?" Mrs. Toro asked. The show returned from the break, giving Ray a break herself. She replied, "I'll tell you after the break."  
  
Several nearly silent minutes later, filled with the show on screen continuing, and sharing popcorn, the slight noise of crunching and sipping, the show had went back on commercial break.  
  
"As you were saying?" Mrs. Toro asked, shifting slightly in her seat to face her youngest child. "Yeah, I'm not interested in most of the guys cause they're not my type." Ray said, as quickly as possible to be understood.  
  
"Meaning?" Mrs Toro asked again, before adding, "Come on, tell me." Ray sighed and said, "They're not my type, cause they're too.... thuggish. The kinds that are all like 'Hey I have a dick, I can do whatever the hell I want an get away with it, having a dick makes me on top of the world.' I don't want to be like some of these girls, who have douche-bags for boyfriends.I'd actually like a guy who's kind of feminine."   
  
"So you basically want a girlfriend with balls?" Mrs. Toro asked slightly flatly. Ray blushed and said, "No Mom. I didn't mean it in that kind of way. I just meant I'd like a guy who wasn't a complete macho-man. A guy who can take some kind of girly-ish stuff and not mind it. At least, not mind it too much. Kind of like Bob."  
  
"Bob's still your best gay friend." Mrs. Toro said, filling the role of captain obvious for a short while. Criminal Minds came back on. It was nearing the end anyways. Up next was another episode. This left poor Ray with a few minutes of embarrassed silence. She was blushing almost as red as a tomato. The silence couldn't have seemed longer to her.   
  
Presently, the show disappeared back into commercial. Seizing her chance, Ray jumped for it, and said, "I know Bob is my best gay friend, but he doesn't always have to be so macho just cause he has a dick."   
  
"So you're saying you want a guy who doesn't always have to prove he has a dick." Mrs. Toro said. Ray nodded and said, "Precisely."   
  
Just then, Mr. Toro walked in the front door. Instantly, Mrs. Toro and Ray shut up. "Hey honey. Little One." He said, directing a wave towards Ray, who looked back bug-eyedly.   
  
"What did I miss?" Mr. Toro asked. Ray instantly blushed redder than a tomato. Perfect red to match the bright red shirt she was wearing.


	5. Chapter 5

Frank the fly awoke, stretching his fly arms and legs. It was going to be a long day ahead of him, he could tell. Glancing around his small fly home, he decided he wanted to start the day off with coffee. It was barely the crack of dawn over the city of Newark, New Jersey. But since it was an industrial area, the fact that the sun was barely over the horizon was ignored, the city already up and running. So without further ado, Frank rolled his fly bum out of bed, and zipped off in search of coffee. There was this nice little sidewalk cafe he knew about, which was bound to have at least one smoker outside drinking his or her coffee despite the smog in the air.   
  
  
  
Upon arriving at this cafe, he realized that he had been right to assume that there was going to be at least one person sitting outside, drinking coffee. However, the young man in question was not drinking his coffee. He was sitting there, drink slowly growing cold in front of him. He was drawing something, but most of his face, and the drawing too, was obscured by black hair that washed in front of his face. He didn't seemed troubled by it. Seeing this, Frank landed on the edge of the cup, and whipped out a fly sized straw. He began to slurp up the coffee, making small slurping noises. The artist wrinkled his brow, annoyed at the noise.   
  
  
  
Presently, Frank let out a rather loud burp. This cause the artist to let out a rather loud "What the fuck?", his head snapping up, hand going to his pocket, drawing a switchblade. Seeing no one there but a fly, he put the blade down, and picked up a newspaper someone had left on a chair next to him. "Hell no!" Frank squealed, flying away as fast as his fly wings would take him. But he was too late. THe artist brought the newspaper down on Frank, knocking him down cold. "Damned fly. Who the _fuck_ does he think he is, thinking his little bastard ass could just come up and steal my fucking coffee like that?" The artist shouted out to no one in particular.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Later that day, the sun had already set. Frank finally woke up. "What the hell?" He asked, glancing around to get a bearing on his surroundings. "Ah, fuck, I'm gonna be so late the guys are gonna have my ass on a silver platter!" Frank shouted, flapping away.  
  
  
  
  
  
Eventually, he winded up in a bar on the other side of town. There, he met his friends. Mikey the Mosquito. Ray the Roach. Bob the bee. Several minutes later, it was 10 P.M. The clock in the bar let out a loud beep. It was their cue to get their insect bums onto the stage. They lined up, and started doing a funky dance routine, singing all the while. The songs lyrics seemed to be anti-pants. This song must aptly be called 'Do The No Pants'. Then, the same man from before, staggered drunkenly to the stage with a magazine, rolled up. "Fuck no! Not _again_!" Frank screamed, as he was hit by the newspaper.   
  
  
  
  
Seeing this, the bartender ran over and said, "Gerard, what the hell you drunk? That was my star act right there you just knocked out!" The man known as Gerard blinked a few times, before his eyes settled on the bartender. "Star act? I don't see a star act! All I saw was a bunch of insects singing about no pants!"   
  
  
  
  
Just then, the Beatles walked in. "Oi mate, we should sue them! We were the originals in the no pants trend!" Lennon said to Georgie.


	6. Chapter 6

**This one just _has_ to go to the Way family. All fiction, never happened, don't own.**  
  
One day, 6 year old Bandit Lee Way came home from school. Lyn-Z was in the kitchen, setting up things for dinner. "Mommy?" Bandit asked from the doorway, her green eyes huge. It was obvious that she had something interesting or something was bugging her, as she hadn't taken her shoes nor her bookbag off. "What hon?" Lyn-Z asked, head buried in the fridge, attempting to extract the bag of spinach from where Gerard had tried and failed epicly to hide it behind some of Frank's strange Vegetarian food.  
  
"Mommy, what's a Son Of A Bitch?" Bandit asked, pronouncing the profanity like it was the most amazing thing she'd heard to date, and the most important thing she'd ever heard as well. Lyn-Z froze a moment, holding the Veggie food in one hand, some of it tucked under one armpit, the other hand clasping the spinach. A smile came onto her mouth as she remembered how much of a douche-bag the priest who'd married her to Gerard had been. Apparently, he believed anyone with tattoos would go to hell, women should be seen and not heard if seen at all, and any man with long hair was a faggot, which was doomed to burn in hell. He'd given them hell from the start.   
  
When Lyn-Z had asked Gerard why they'd had to pick _that_ church, his answer was even though he wanted to give the priest a knuckle sandwich on the house, he had to stick with that church because it was the same one his beloved grandmother Elena had visited. "Mommy?" Bandit asked, bringing Lyn-Z back to reality. "Oh, sorry sweetie, getting back to your question, a priest is a son of a bitch." Bandit nodded solemnly, and wandered off.   
  
Later that night, Gerard Way came home. Seeing the bag of spinach sitting on the counter winking evilly at him, he let out a "Aw fuck no!" Lyn-Z snapped at him, "Watch your mouth!", hand planted firmly on her hip. Just then, Bandit wandered into the room, and said, "Daddy, what's a fuck?" Gerard blushed deeply. Lyn-Z glared at him, as if daring him to tell their young daughter what the word really meant.   
  
"Well honey," Gerard started off, glancing at his wife. She was glaring daggers at him. Gerard tugged at his collar nervously and gulped loudly, comical infact. "When a grown-up says 'fuck' they can mean one of two things." Lyn-Z looked like she was practically ready to beat the shit out of Gerard with the rolling pin she had in a deathgrip. "Either they mean they're very upset about something, or they're getting dressed." Lyn-Z relaxed, and Gerard let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. Bandit nodded, and said, "Okay Daddy."  
  
About half an hour later, Lyn-Z burnt her finger taking a cake out of the oven. Without thinking, she yelled out, "Shit!!". Then she ran her finger under some cold water. Bandit was right behind her. "Mommy, what's a shit?" Lyn-Z looked petrified for a moment. Her young daughter was quickly picking up a potty mouth, most of it coming from her and her husband. "It's a type of cake. In fact, the same kind as the one I just took out of the oven."  
  
"Okay." Bandit said, and wandered off. At this age, her mind was like a sponge. Lyn-Z set up the table nicely, with help from Gerard, and she put the cake in the centerpiece. They both walked upstairs, and Gerard told Bandit, "Bandit, if the priest gets here for dinner before me and Mommy are done getting dressed, tell him to make sure his fatass doesn't eat everything down. Then show him in. Okay?"   
  
Bandit nodded, and said, "Okay. But whats an ass?" Gerard looked around, doing the stretchy-collar-and-gulp thing again, then said, "Its a donkey, but sometimes you call people an ass cause theyre stubborn like a donkey." Bandit smiled, and walked to the living room. Gerard walked upstairs.   
  
While Gerard and Lyn-Z were getting dressed, the doorbell rang. It was the priest. Bandit opened the door and let him in. "Good evening young lady." he boomed out. Bandit cringed away from his loud voice and said, "Good evening son-of-a-bitch, the shit's on the table and Mommy and Daddy are upstairs fucking. And Daddy told me to tell you to please don't let your fatass eat everything down."  
  
The priest fainted dead away, falling back, legs going up. Just then, Lyn-Z and Gerard came downstairs. "Good job." Gerard said, giving Bandit a grin and thumbs up, before dropping them both at a glare from Lyn-Z. "What happened?" Lyn-z Asked. "I used my new words and gave him the message Daddy told me to give him and the son of a bitch fainted!" Bandit said. Lyn-Z asked with disapproval creeping into her voice, "What message did Daddy tell you to give him?" Bandit drew herself up to her full height and said, "Not to let his fatass eat everything down."   
  
Lyn-Z turned, and yelled, "GERARD!!" yanking off one heel, and holding it in her hand, she began to chase Gerard around the house


	7. Chapter 7

**Am finally back from a long hiatus, sorry for lack of updates. Am now introducing guest commentators. If you want to be a special guest for one of the chapters, just leave a review saying that, and maybe a bit of how you want to sound... If you can recognize it, means I don't own it.  
  
Nnoitra points up at prior lines of text.  
  
Nnoitra: Scratchin' ya ass an lookin' at that shit up there an' askin', WTF is this shit?   
  
Tosen: Scratching your ass and asking WTF is this shit! Justice!  
  
ValentineRevenge: Yes spoon, just spit it out...  
  
Tosen: Spitting it out! Justice!  
  
Nnoitra: Means that VR is a sorry ass-  
  
Tosen: Sorry ass! Justice!  
  
ValentineRevenge: Arse...  
  
Tosen: Arse! Justice!  
  
Nnoitra: Yeah, yeah, whatever. She's a sorry 'arse' or ass, whatever the hell ya wanna call it, whose muse ran the hell away from her screaming bloody murder-  
  
ValentineRevenge: My muse didn't run away screaming. It took a little vacation. To the world of Bleach. Where you came from...  
  
Tosen: Vacation! Justice!  
  
Nnoitra: No comment. She also apologizes for not clogging up Ficwad with shitty updates sooner, and introduces 'guest commentators.'  
  
Tosen: Guest commentator! Shitty updates! Double Justice!  
  
ValentineRevenge: Like you and Tosen.  
  
Nnoitra: Tosen is more like a guest pain in the ass. But Yeah, like me! What ya gonna do about it?  
  
Tosen: Guest pain in the ass! Justice!  
  
ValentineRevenge: Just get on with it already...  
  
Nnoitra: Fine, fine. A guest commentator is someone like me. I come from the world of Bleach, which is owned by Tite Kubo. VR does not have any rights to this series.  
  
ValentineRevenge: But I have the right to have your spoon arse removed if it keeps bothering me...  
  
Nnoitra: Whatever bitch.So anyways a guest commentator is some random 'arse' ass, whatever the hell ya wanna call it, motherfucker who just randomly pops up in the middle of the story, or wherever else they see fit-  
  
Grimmjow: Or otherwise where this idiot of an author decides to have them come in to say something completely pointless and unrelated.   
  
Nnoitra: This lousy author also says that instead of just random idiots from the world of Bleach and so forth, YOU can be a guest commentator too! Yes, YOU, fat ass sitting behind the computer.  
  
ValentineRevenge: Nnoitra, apologize to my dear readers. They aren't fat arses, they are lovely individuals.  
  
Nnoitra: Alright, sorry to her 'darling readers' whatever the fuck that means. So anyways, you can be a guest commentator too, just by informing the nitwit who writes this crappy shit.  
  
Tosen: Darling readers! Justice!  
  
ValentineRevenge: Nnoitra, I highly disapprove of people with no discretion, such as yourself.  
  
Nnoitra: Then why the fuck did you have me comment on this shit? And what the fuck is discretion?  
  
ValentineRevenge: Discretion means knowing when to keep your trap shut...  
  
Tosen: Discretion! Justice!  
  
Nnoitra: Well you can go shove that discretion shit up your ass and around the corner for all I care!  
  
Tosen: Up your ass and around the corner! Justice!  
  
ValentineRevenge: How did you turn into my most commonly seen guest commentator?  
  
Nnoitra: I dunno. Maybe cause you always force me to bring you tea, and I just happen to comment on whatever I hear as I return with the tea?  
  
ValentineRevenge: True. Maybe i should get a new person to get my tea... You obviously do a horrid job at it...  
  
Tosen: Did Wonderweiss piss in the tea again? Because if he did, that is a LACK of JUSTICE!  
  
Nnoitra: Fuck you! With something sharp and rusty and disgusting! Just like Nnoitra's mind!  
  
Tosen: Nnoitra's mind! Justice!  
  
Ulquiorra: Trash, you are Nnoitra...  
  
Nnoitra: Oh. Yeah. I knew that!  
  
Nnoitra grins. Everyone runs away in fear.  
  
Tosen: Running away in fear! Justice!  
  
Nnoitra: Why are they all running away in fear?  
  
ValentineRevenge: I dunno, ever think that sometimes they get too scared of your spoony arse?  
  
Tosen: Spoony arse! Justice!  
  
Nnoitra: Really?  
  
ValentineRevenge: Yea, now go get me my tea.  
  
Nnoitra flips off ValentineRevenge and shuffles off.   
  
ValentineRevenge: Glad that's over. On to the story! **  
  
  
On today's segment of "My Humorous Romance",   
  
**Nnoitra shuffles in with tea, and glances up at the opening line, then points at it  
  
Tosen: Tea! Justice!  
  
Nnoitra: Wow, how original! -Sarcasm-  
  
Tosen: Sarcasm! Justice!  
  
ValentineRevenge: Shut up Nnoi.  
  
Nnoitra: Shutting up. **  
  
We take a look in to how the Way brothers get ready in the morning  
  
 **Tosen: How to get ready in the morning! Justice!  
  
Nnoitra: And you all call me the pervert.  
  
ValentineRevenge: Didn't I just tell you to STFU?  
  
Tosen: Being told to STFU by a little girl! Justice!  
  
Nnoitra: Yus.  
  
ValentineRevenge: Then do it... **  
  
Mikey Way sat up in his room, looking at the time. If he didn't hurry, he would be late for school.  
  
 **Tosen: Late for school! Lack of Justice!**  
  
With a yawn, he ran his hand through his already mussed hair, and put on his glasses, promptly poking himself in the eye.   
  
**Tosen: Poking yourself in the eye! Justice!**  
  
  
"Dammit!" Mikey yelled, attempting to put them on a second time  
  
 **Grimmjow: I woulda said more shit than this kid just did.  
  
Nnoitra: Don't poke both your eyes out kid! Then we'll have to put up with another blind justice freak!  
  
Tosen: Blind justice freak! Justice!**  
  
and he put them on without poking his eyeballs out.  
  
 **Nnoitra: You said balls. heh.  
  
Tosen: Balls! Justice!**  
  
With a watering eye, and mussed up hair, Mikey promptly climbed out of bed, and shuffled off to the bathroom.  
  
 **Tosen: Unkempt appearance! Lack of Justice!**  
  
When Mikey finally got there, he realized that Gerard was already in there. He hammered on the door, receiving a loud, "What the fuck?!?" Mikey rolled his eyes before shouting back, "What the hell are you doing in there? Masturbating?   
  
**Nnoitra: Masturbating! Heh.  
  
Tosen: Masturbating! Justice! **  
  
Open the damn door! I gotta piss!"  
  
 **Tosen: Piss! Justice!**  
  
Gerard sighed in the bathroom, before he yelled back, "I don't care! Wait! I'll be out in a few minutes!" Mikey started doing the potty dance, hands cupped over his groin, and whined, "Open the door Gee! I'm gonna pee my pants!"  
  
 **Tosen: There is Justice in my pants!  
  
Everyone: We didn't need to know that Tosen. TMI.   
  
Tosen: TMI! Justice! **  
  
"Then go piss outside!" Gerard yelled back. "It's covered in snow you duck!" Mikey squeaked out. He desperately needed to pee. "Then open a window and let it fly." Gerard said, apathy lacing his voice.  
  
 **Tosen: Peeing out the window! Justice!**  
  
Mikey grew desperate, and tried the doorknob. To his surprise, he found it was open. He barged through, seeing relief sitting there winking back at him in the shape of cream porcelain. Without thinking, he dropped his drawers, and let it fly. From next to him, there came a loud scream. "Mikes! What the fuck!" Gerard yelled. Mikey turned around sharply on his heel, still whizzing away, and managed to piss on his brother, who had apparently just finished taking a shower.  
  
 **Tosen: Pissing on your brother! Justice!  
  
Haruhi2034: Tosen is on a justice rampage today.  
  
Tosen: Justice rampage! Justice!  
  
Nnoitra, ValentineRevenge, Grimmjow: Did it take ya this long to figure it out?  
  
Szayel: By my calculations, Tosen is on a justice rampage because Aizen-sama has lectured him once again this morning about the importance of not allowing Wonderweiss to piss in the tea, no matter how good it makes the tea taste. This has caused Tosen to go on a rampage of Justice, perceiving every single action or word around him to either contain and embody justice to the fullest, or to lack Justice to the extent that it must be banished. As such, Tosen is also having a warped perspective on Justice due to the lack of communication between-  
  
Nnoitra: Enough with the justice speech, fruitcake. You're starting to sound like the blind bastard himself...  
  
Tosen glomps Szayel.  
  
Tosen: I have found a partner in Justice! Justice!  
  
Szayel: Get it off! Off I tell you! Off! Help!  
  
Ulquiorra: Trash.  
  
Aizen: Justice rampages. Tosen, kindly stop your justice rampage, and allow ValentineRevenge to finish fan fiction.   
  
Aizen picks up ValentineRevenge's tea-cup, and Haruhi2034 picks up her own tea-cup.  
  
Aizen: On 3.....1......2.....3.....  
  
Aizen  & Haruhi2034: Let's have some tea, my little Espada.  
  
Aizen & Haruhi2034 clink their teacups together and take a sip of tea.  
  
Ulquiorra & ValentineRevenge: Tea! Yayy!  
  
Ulquiorra & ValentineRevenge hug, having a fanboy/fangirl moment.  
  
Grimmjow, & Nnoitra: Awww fuck no!  
  
Tosen: Tea! Justice!**   
  
Going back to our story, Gerard had just finished being pissed on by Mikey. seeing as he was still mostly hung-over, Gerard opted to just let it go, and said, "Get the fuck out of my sight before I piss on you too!" Mikey apologized, and scuttled out the door before Gerard could make good on his threat. Poor Gee had to go take another shower. Meanwhile, Mikey scuttled downstairs, still embarrassed by what he had just done, and washed his hands in the kitchen sink. Then, he made coffee for Gerard. After all, after having to go take another shower cause Mikey peed on him would leave Gee with less time to do anything. Which meant he would probably leave the house without coffee, and be pissed off worse than Byakuya PMS-ing.  
  
 **Byakuya: I do not appreciate your implications that I am in fact a female, who has a menstrual cycle, and as such gets Premenstrual syndrome, or as you have abbreviated it, PMS.  
  
Aizen: Well we are married, and you are the woman out of the relationship...  
  
Byakuya: No, I am fully male, Sosuke Aizen. And I would appreciate if you did not broadcast to the world information that should be for the few privileged persons alone.  
  
Szayel: Yes, females, as soon as they hit puberty, are subject to-  
  
Nnoitra: Not one of your Smarticles again Szayel.  
  
Tosen: Smarticles! Justice!  
  
Szayel: But this is information that the general public should know. After all, most are not aware of the simplest facts of life, such as-  
  
Everyone: STFU Szayel. **  
  
  
So _anyways_ We left Mikey making Gerard coffee, and Gerard taking a shower to wash off the piss. Currently, Mikey was looking at the time, and screaming, because he would just barely make it. He had maybe half an hour before he had to leave the house. Leaving the coffee in the coffee machine, he dashed up the stairs, tripping over his own two lanky legs, falling flat on his face, sprawled out. He looked like a Mikey Way rug across the top of the stairs more than anything else. In the bathroom,   
  
Gerard had just gotten out of the shower for the second time that morning. Upon looking down the hallway, he was confronted with the rug that was his younger brother. Laughing, he asked, "Yo Mikes, are ya practicin' for ya new job as a rug?" Mikey looked up from his place flat on the floor like a bug, and flipped Gerard off. This earned him a laugh. Indeed Gerard was laughing at the absurdity of his younger brother being crashed out on the floor, like a bug, yet having the balls to flip him off. This made him laugh so hard that he thought he might piss himself.  
  
 **Nnoitra: What the hell is with all the obsessions with piss?  
  
Haruhi2034: I dunno, but it's funny.  
  
Tosen returns from getting Wonderweiss to put on a pair of pants.  
  
Tosen: Piss! Justice!  
  
Everyone: Here we go again. **  
  
  
He quickly splashed off to his room. Mikey got up, attempting to go to his own room, but ended up falling down, face first, in a puddle of water left behind from Gerard crossing the floor soaking wet just moments before. with a curse, he attempted to get up, only to fall face first again. With a sigh, he got up once more, and was successful, only if he kept moving. He was skidding around, feet flying out from under him, going back and forth, until he finally fell once again, this time in what looked like a fucked up version of a split. It must have been painful, for the first thing out of the younger Way's mouth, was "Motherfucker! My balls!"  
  
Next door, Gerard poked his head out the door, still dripping water onto the hardwood floors, and said, "Didn't know ya had any Mikey." From where he lay, Mikey once again flipped off his older brother, before saying, "Shut up and go get your damn coffee. It's your fault my balls hurt." Gerard smiled and walked off, still in his towel. Hell, bribe the elder Way with coffee, and he would probably do anything. With this last thought going through his head, Mikey plucked himself off the floor awkwardly, a twisted smirk crossing his face. He hobbled into his room, trying to avoid falling over anything, and grabbed a towel, scuttling off to take a shower.   
  
As soon as he got into the bathroom, he almost fell again, as Gerard had left the entire bathroom covered in water, and dirty clothes thrown all over the place. Even though Mikey was the stereotypical teenage boy, mildly disorganized at best, he did have some morals as far as his surroundings went. This was especially extended to the fact that he _really_ did not want to see Gerard's undies scattered across the bathroom floor  
  
 **Tosen: Undies! Justice!  
  
Szayel: Finally! Someone understands how I feel about not wanting to see my older brother's undies all over the bathroom floor!  
  
Ylfordt: What's wrong with my undies?  
  
Szayel: They're disgusting...  
  
Ylfordt: At least their not pink!  
  
Szayel: Go shove Santa Theresa up your ass and around the corner.  
  
Tosen: Shoving Santa Theresa up your ass and around the corner! Justice!   
  
Ulquiorra: Trash, please refrain from discussing personal topics, such as your undergarments, in a public location. As it is such, a public location, or part of the public domain, anyone can walk past and see or hear about this conversation. It is most certainly improper, especially if young children are subject to passing through and seeing you two arguing about undergarments.   
  
Szayel  & Ylfordt : How the hell is a little kid going to see us arguing about our undies?  
  
Ulquiorra: Children these days are exposed to more and more as the days go by. They are easily able to get access to a computer, and an internet connection, access the inter-webs, and search for things that they ought not see until they are much older. Including this argument that we are currently having. In fact, this whole fiction should not be viewed by any of those under the legal age of consent, as the contents of this writing is extremely explicit in some areas. Even Tosen himself, the epitome of Justice, says things that should not be heard by any of those under the age of 13.   
  
Szayel: Weren't you under the legal age of consent when you died?  
  
Ulquiorra: Yes, I do believe so, however, that is counter-acted by the fact that I have lived many years as a hollow, and many more as an Arrancar and an Espada.   
  
Ylfordt: Yer point?  
  
Ulquiorra: This means that I am no longer under the legal age of consent. Take Lilinette, the Primera Espada's sword release, for example. Even though she appears to be a pre-teen girl, she is at least old enough to be a grand-mother, or a great grand mother, if you wish to go as far as that. I am no different in the way that while my physical body remains the same age, I am older than I appear.  
  
Grimmjow: Shuttup you emo-skittle. And you talk too damn much for your own skinny emo ass' good. Fuckin' windbag. The readers of this fic, if ya haven't scared em all away by now, want to read about the shit that happens in the Way house in the morning, not you giving a Smarticle about Arrancar and Espada aging processes. Besides, you're being old fashioned, saying that this fic shouldn't be read by those under the legal age of consent. That would mean that the writer, and several of the commentators would have to leave the story. So would the two main characters for this chapter. So think before ya open your ass, you dumb-fuck.  
  
Nnoitra: That's not what your mother said last night Grimmjow!  
  
Grimmjow: Fuck you!  
  
Tosen: Fucking! Justice!  
  
Nnoitra: Any time!  
  
Everyone: TMI! AGAIN! We didn't effin' need to know that Nnoitra!  
  
Tosen: TMI! Justice!  
  
Nnoitra: Well too bad if you didn't need to or want to know that! And if you have a problem with that, you can go shove Santa Theresa up your ass and around the country!  
  
Tosen: Shoving Santa Theresa up your ass and around the country! Justice!   
  
Aizen: Everyone stop arguing and let VR write her fiction. And Nnoitra! Go get me more tea!  
  
Nnoitra shuffles out, mumbling about porn.  
  
ValentineRevenge: Thanks for that, Aizen. Now where were we?  
  
Szayel: Me nagging about not wanting to see Ylfordt's undies?  
  
ValentineRevenge: Precisely! **  
  
  
Szayel was tired of seeing Ylfordt's undies all over the place. So he was sitting in his lab, in his bathrobe, with his feet up, thinking up a way to make sure that he no longer had to see the offending garments that were known as Ylfordt's underwear.   
  
**Nnoitra returns with tea, and observes the most recent story-lines.  
  
Nnoitra: You're writing about the wrong nimrods, you dumb-shit!  
  
ValentineRevenge: Ah. Sorry. Using the right characters now. And pass some of the tea!   
  
Tosen: Wrong characters! Justice! **  
  
So anyways, with the _right_ characters and world and story-line _this_ time,   
  
**Nnoitra: Good!**  
  
Mikey was sick and tired of seeing Gerard's underwear all over the floor, and nearly tripping over some of the forsaken things. So to counter-act this, Mikey picked up all the offending garments that were known as Gerard's underwear, and threw them in the hamper. He could finally shower in peace now. Realizing he was probably wasting time, he turned on the water, and jumped into the shower right away, neglecting to wait for the water to heat up first. So obviously, he got blasted with icy water, when it was already cold outside.   
  
He jumped out of the shower, cursing like there was no tomorrow. Gerard was outside the door, just in time to hear, "Motherfucker! Dammit this is cold!" And a loud chattering of teeth. The shower started to warm up, eventually, even though Mikey was left shivering in his scrawny birthday suit. Then, he couldn't see.  
  
 **Nnoitra: not another blind justice freak!  
  
Grimmjow: Don't let him cut off my arm! **  
  
Trying not to scream, he realized the reason he couldn't see was because everything went so foggy. Then he realized the reason that everything went foggy was because he was wearing his glasses. Even though it was just him alone in the bathroom, a bright red blush spread across his cheeks, as he plucked the glasses off, and set them on the bathroom counter, nearly tripping over the shower curtain in the process. When his back was turned, the wet shower curtain plastered itself to his arse. He let out a loud screech, thinking it was a monster from Mars that was feeling up his arse. Yep, he read _way_ too many comics, no pun intended.   
  
**Nnoitra: Or maybe you do.**  
  
Upon finding out that it was just the curtain, he started to laugh like a maniac, managing to swallow water, and was left choking from this. Finally recovering, he picked up the bottle of shampoo, just to drop it on his foot. "Yeowch!" He screeched, jumping up and down, holding onto one foot. It would be best to advise our readers now,that jumping up and down in the middle of a bathtub while the water is running while holding our foot and screeching like a cat in heat is not recommended. In fact, we advise our dear readers not to do anything of the sort.   
  
**Nnoitra: But it's funny as fuck to see the idiots jumping around like ping pong balls. Heh. I said balls.  
  
Tosen: Idiots bouncing like ping pong balls! Justice!  
  
ValentineRevenge: If you wanna see something funny, just go look at Lumina and Verona.  
  
Tosen: Lumina and Verona! Justice!  
  
Szayel: Since when did my Fraccion get involved in this?  
  
ValentineRevenge  & Nnoitra: Since they were idiots.  
  
ValentineRevenge: Besides, you know what the old saying is.  
  
Szayel: EH?  
  
ValentineRevenge: If you surround yourself with idiots, you make yourself look smarter.  
  
Nnoitra: Szayel! Is that why you married me? Just to make yourself look smarter?   
  
Szayel: No comment.  
  
Nnoitra: Yew bitch!  
  
Tosen: Bitch! Justice!  
  
ValentineRevenge: I wasn't even aware of the fact that the two of you were married...  
  
Tosen: Nnoitra and Szayel are married! Justice!  
  
Szayel: We're not. He's just being an ass.  
  
ValentineRevenge: Arse.  
  
Tosen:Arse! Justice!  
  
Haruhi2034: No! He's acting like a bag of douche!  
  
Tosen: Bag of douche! Justice!  
  
ValentineRevenge: Why the hell do you guys insist on interrupting my fiction so often?  
  
Tosen: Interruptions! Justice!  
  
Nnoitra: Because we can.  
  
Tosen: Because we can! Justice!  
  
ValentineRevenge: I'm going to remove your Spoony Arse in a moment.  
  
Tosen: Spoony Arse! Justice!  
  
Aizen: Shut up everyone! Just shut up and let this effin' fic finish! It's going on for too long!  
  
ValentineRevenge: That's true, I generally don't do one shots this long. I'll blame this one on Tosen, for his Justice rampage, and Ulquiorra and Szayel for thier long arsed explanations and smarticles.  
  
Szayel & Ulquiorra start charging Ceros.  
  
Tosen heads off to go make Wonderweiss wear pants. Again. **  
  
So while Mikey was hopping around the shower screaming that he dropped shampoo on his foot, Gerard was downstairs, still in just his towel and undies,  
  
 **Szayel & Ylfordt: Do we HAVE to go back into this discussion? We just finished it!  
  
Tosen: Undies! Justice! **  
  
and sitting drinking coffee. Hearing screaming coming from up above, he ran up the stairs, falling on the water from earlier. Finally slipping and sliding into the bathroom, he barged right in, without knocking, and yanked back the shower curtain. He was treated to the sight of a naked Mikey, mid-scream, still holding his foot in the air. After a moment of awkward silence, Mikey put his foot down and shut his mouth. Gerard rolled his eyes, muttering, "Dumb-ass" before leaving the room.   
  
Mikey closed back the shower curtain, and continued the process of showering, only to get soap in his eyes a few minutes later. He let out a loud screech, "My eye! Oh fuck it burns!" Gerard sighed, putting on his pants in the middle of the kitchen. He really didn't give a fuck. After Mikey managed to get the soap out of his eyes,  
  
 **Nnoitra: Why the fuck are you detailing this kid's shower habits?  
  
ValentineRevenge: Calm your perv senses, there's nothing obscene.  
  
Nnoitra: But we can see genitals!  
  
Tosen: Genitals! Justice!  
  
ValentineRevenge: Firstly dumb shit, you don't take a shower fully clothed, and secondly, there is no mention of genitals in the story.  
  
Nnoitra: So you're saying he doesn't have any genitals?  
  
ValentineRevenge face-palms  
  
ValentineRevenge: He does, but we just don't have to mention them. You can have something without it having to be mentioned.  
  
Nnoitra: Oh! So is his brother perverted or something? To be walking into the bathroom and yanking the curtain open while he was in the middle of a shower?  
  
ValentineRevenge: If you heard Tesla screaming while he was in the shower, wouldn't you burst in there to make sure he isn't being murdered?  
  
Nnoitra: Yes. Wait! What the fuck does this have to do with anything?  
  
ValentineRevenge: Same concept. Just more care involved in the Way brother's version of it. **  
  
he realized he was probably running late. For the umpteenth time this morning! So he grabbed his tooth-brush, and ran it under some of the water in the shower. Then, he snapped off the water, grabbing the tube of tooth-paste, his glasses and a towel, dashing out the door, just barely managing to avoid busting his arse on the floor. He put his glasses on roughly and in a hurry, jabbing himself in the eye twice before he managed to get it right. Squeezing toothpaste onto his toothbrush, he stuck the tiny brush in his mouth, running into his room, grabbing a pair of pants, a shirt and a sweat-shirt, before shoving them into his bag.  
  
While he was doing all of this nonsense, Mikey Way didn't even bother to glance at the clock. Or out the window for that matter. Tossing his bag over a shoulder, he shoved his feet into his shoes, and ran down the hallway to the stairs, getting down them, and into the kitchen. When he finally got there, he saw Gerard sitting there, drinking his coffee and looking at him bemusedly.  
  
"What? What?" Mikey squawked, coming to a dead stop. Gerard smirked deviously, before letting out a chuckle. It was not a pleasant one. Mikey flipped him off and continued towards the door. Gerard suddenly doubled over, laughing so hard he was sure his sides were going to split. "What?!?" Mikey squealed, obviously getting pissed. "Why the hell are you planning to go on the bus, in the middle of winter, sky clad?" Gerard managed to choke out.  
  
"Oh." Mikey said, looking down to see his nude self. "Seriously Mikes, I don't wanna see that shit while I'm drinking my coffee. Gerard said, taking another swig at the steaming cup on the table. Mikey snarled, "Fuck you!" and whipping the air with his wet towel, managing to catch Gerard in the side with it. The elder way brother let out a shocked squeal, before getting off his chair. They both ran to the door, Mikey using his height to get ahead of his brother, and opened the door. Outside, it was freezing cold, courtesy of the recently fallen snow.   
  
The snow was unploughed, in huge, heaving drifts scattered across the Way's lawn, and the lawns of the families near to them. "What the hell?" Mikey asked, a look of shock crossing his face. There was no way that there would be any school with the way the weather was. Especially since the snow plow hadn't even come past yet. It probably wouldn't for quite a while. Even as Mikey looked on, a snow-flake landed on the tip of his nose, where it shortly melted. He was then aware of just how cold he was, being dressed in only a towel.  
  
"What do you think it is Mikey? Means it's a snow day!" Gerard crowed gleefully. Mikey just gave him a perplexed look. Seeing that he wasn't getting the point, Gerard continued on, "Means we don't have school today, ya dumb-shit!" Mikey said, "I know what the effin' hell a snow day is Gerard, but if it is, why the hell are you awake? It's 6:30 in the frickin' morning, for cryin' out loud!"   
  
At this point, Gerard fell over in side-splitting laughter, managing to choke out, "I just wanted to see what would happen. Hilarious as fuck too!" Mikey took off his towel and gave Gerard a sound whacking with them. Gerard put his arms up to defend himself, even though it was pretty much useless, as he was laughing way too hard. Just then, Donna Way came to the front door, in time to see it open, snow spilling into the entry way, Gerard flat on his back, looking like he was having convulsions from laughing so hard, and Mikey, naked besides his shoes, walloping Gerard with his towel.   
  
The brothers looked up, just to see thier mother standing there, looking confused. A simultaneous blushing spread across thier cheeks, turning them as red as cherries. "I don't wanna know." Donna said, shaking her head, before adding as an after-thought, "Close the door Mikey, or you'll get a cold." She turned and headed up the stairs, leaving her sons down by the front door, frozen in place with confusion.  
  
 **Nnoitra: So it was all for nothing?  
  
ValentineRevenge: Not really, but it was funny as hell. Someone do my ending for me!  
  
Szayel: With pleasure! Rate and Review, or else you won't be getting any other good shit. **


	8. Chapter 8

Frank Iero was bored at 2 in the morning. So doing what he normally did, he grabbed a quick snack and booted up his computer. When there, he started browsing through various websites. Finally, after nearly an hour, he ended up at the homepage for YouTube. Boredly, he scrolled through it, until he saw something that caught his eye. The current most popular video in music was "Caramelldansen". With a slight shrug, he clicked it.   
  
Several minutes later, Frank still sat there in utter shock. He managed to unfreeze himself enough to hit the 'Replay' button. His mind was blown. How had he _not_ heard of this before? It was too grand not to! The guys needed to hear this song!   
  
He resolved to introduce them to it the next time the band had practice. And his wish came through. Two days later, the band was in Gerard's garage, practicing thier newest songs. After practice, the guys stuck around, goofing off. Then Frank said, "Hey Mikey? Can I borrow your computer for a sec? I wanted to show you guys this kickass song I found."   
  
"Sure, c'mon." Mikey said, leading the way back to his room. Frank followed on his heels, the rest of the guys behind him. When they got there, Frank instantly loaded the internet, and located the video.   
  
The boys watched it, Frank, Mikey, and Gerard dancing along to it. Ray and Bob exchanged looks that plainly read, _WTF did we do to deserve this?_


	9. Chapter 9

Mikey walked into his house one afternoon afterschool, and saw his older brother Gerard sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and drawing. "Wazzup, mah nigguh?" Mikey asked, slamming the door shut. Gerard had been away at college for a while, and knew nothing of his younger brother's transformation from nerd to ghetto-fabulous. He looked up in confusion, and asked, "Mikey? What the fuck did you just say?"   
  
"I said, 'wazzup, mah nigguh'." Mikey said, looking at his older brother with all seriousness. "Mikes, I'm not black, and I'm nobodies 'nigguh'. Call me that one more time, and I'm going to kick your ass." Gerard said, glaring angrily. Smiling slightly, Mikey said, "So then.... Wazzup, mah non-nigguh?"


	10. Chapter 10

Gerard Way cracked his eyes open at the sound of something high-pitched, screeching, and generally annoying. He glanced at the clock, noting that it was barely 9 A.M. _Too fuckin' early._ The screeching noise was getting closer to his room. Listening intently, he could pick out some rather bizarre words.   
  
_I'm a pretty little polka dot  
  
So bright and sparkly_  
  
Was as far as the elder Way heard, before he let out a rather loud, "What the fuck?"   
  
_Such a pretty little polka dot  
  
So much prettier than you_  
  
The infernal noise continued. Muttering a few choice curses under his breath, Gerard yanked back the blankets, and swung his feet out of the bed. They hit the cold wooden floor with a slight thump.   
  
_Yes, I'm such a pretty little polka dot  
  
That it'd be a crime to **not** love me._  
  
Gerard scratched his scalp in annoyance, padding over to his bedroom door and yanking it open. The noise only grew louder, the general direction coming from Mikey's room. With a loud sigh, he resolved to go back to sleep after traveling up two sets of stairs and discovering the source of the aggravating noise.   
  
_So all ya'll bitches better listen up  
  
Cause I'm a sexy polka dot_  
  
Hazel eyes grew wide as they heard the latest lines. Suddenly, Gerard no longer desired to sneak up on whoever it was. He just wanted that disgusting song to finish already. He thundered up the remaining stairs, landing splat in the kitchen. It was becoming even louder here. He wondered how the neighbors hadn't called the cops as yet. Then he remembered. It was summer, and a Tuesday. Which meant that only him and his annoying little brother were at home. Speaking of that, where was Mikey anyways?   
  
_Yeah bitch, you heard that right, ya ugly skank  
  
I'm a fuckin **sexy** polka dot_  
  
"Dammit, that better not be Mikes singing like that." Gerard muttered as he ran through the living room, and up the stairs towards the second floor.   
  
_Too sexy fer ya eyes, betch!_  
  
Gerard's jaw dropped. The noise on the second floor was nearly unbearable. This was certainly scarier than any movie that he had ever seen, even with Frankie being hyper and trying to scare people by grabbing them at the scariest parts of the movie. His hand stuck out straight in front of him, and he pushed the door open slightly. Inside was a sight that made him want to gouge out his eyes.  
  
 _Yeah, uh huh! I'm a sexy polka dot_  
  
Yo ugly skank ass can't compare  
  
Mikey, in a princess tutu and what looked like a pair of pink ballet slippers was dancing around his room like an exotic dancer, singing into his hairbrush, a song which he seemed to have just made up. Gerard slinked away, returning several minutes later, with a camera. Mikey was now singing what appeared to be a duet with his bright pink stuffed unicorn.   
  
Holding back his chuckles, Gerard kicked the door fully open, and snapped a quick picture. His younger brother was stunned by the flash, and stood there like a deer in the headlights. The elder Way took advantage of this, using the frozen moment to snap several more pictures, before running out of there like all the hounds of hell were on his heels.   
  
As he was hiding the camera between his mattress and the wall, he could hear Mikey, still in his bedroom, yell, "What the fuck, Gerard?" Laughing slightly, he yelled back, "This is going all over the web tomorrow!"   
  
"Well you should have at least said something! Ya didn't even let me strike a pose! Hell, ya didn't even snap my good side!"   
  
**Part inspired by that pic out there of Mikey that shows him dressed in a tutu. I made up the song. :P Review?**


End file.
